she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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