sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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