Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
