so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
birth control should be required to get into college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't turn off my feet"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
