OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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