so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
