haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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