I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
