I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
