So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
