I could have mohawked her pubes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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