Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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