Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's get the cat blown out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
