just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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