Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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