Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
