dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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