capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
