I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
