WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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