she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sober January is a disaster.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize