Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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