Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
