I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize