I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
