tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
