why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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