a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
