Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
