the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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