My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
