go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
