I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
