I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
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