I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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