My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
