The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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