you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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