btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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