Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
