Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
