Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
