I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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