I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
