If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
