I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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