Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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