I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
