Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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