Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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