Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
