everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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