Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
