Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
