tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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