I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
