i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
