Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
