Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
