there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
