the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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