You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The power of my boobs compel you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
