im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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