your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
