I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
