Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
