Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
