everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
