um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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