I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
