Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
