STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
